Just memories

              

 Banishing him from her life had been her only ammunition against him. It was better not to see him, she'd told herself endlessly.

That theory rang hollow on those hot, sweaty nights when she spent more time staring at the alarm clock than asleep. In her imagination there was no escaping those flashing deep blue eyes.

Night was when she thought about him, giving him full rein in the hope that he'd remain one of her midnight fantasy heroes and would stop tormenting her by day as well.

At night, she could remember every word he'd ever said to her and in a half-slumber, imagine his arms were around her, holding her, hugging her, making slow passionate love to her. In the daytime, she was ruthless with herself.

She thought to give up on all things she'd fought so long for, simply because he waltzed into her life, nonchalantly assuming she'd dump everything.

And a fling was all it would be, or would it be a deep scar that would ache forever more...she needed more time.

Part II of how do you explain to a friend.....

Well, my friend, Colleen, didn't believe me at first, but she did think I was full of crap, when I told her my 14 months internet story, during many of our sleepless nights, while sitting in our patio or confortably cuddled in the salòn, she made me confess it all, and it did sound like : ' forgive me, my dear friend, but,  I have sined...'

The first step, and, beieve me, the easiest, was explaining the blog, everything else was carefully pulled out of me, even though, I didn't have to put my hand on 'the book' and say 'I swear'....I swear most of the time, anyway. The 'blog' and a few more suspicious behaviours triggered out the famous sentence:

-  'Now listen, young lady, you'r going to sit down and tell me all about this internet thing of yours...and you'r going to start from the very beginning , when did it start, how and where did it start, and what in the heaven's name made you do it'!

Well, when things start with 'now listen young lady', trust me, I DO feel like a young lady, oh, even younger, and somehow my mom gets immediately in the picture with both her arms on her hips and that 'you did something bad look ' in her eyes...not to mention the  'and why was I not told about this'  which makes it just more difficult to explain.

I guess the only thing missing was: 'Does you'r mom know about this', but we'll come to that part, shortly.

So my confession began and there's not a known number of 'hail Marrys' or 'dear father in heaven' that will ever wipe those sins away...j/k...I feel innocent, all the time...NOOOOO, I AM innocent!

And my story began...

Last year in June, during one of those long sleepless, boring nights, when I got tired of playing solitaire, hearts and popping some silly balloons, I went into Yahoo and saw this sign 'Yahoo games' which must have been there forever, but, I guess it wasn't my time to see it, untill that specific night. Now, to explain a bit more  this issue, I've been using the internet for many years, but strictly for business, mails, research and my IM was an easy way to keep in touch with my daughter and my family, who all are skattered around the world.

So back to Yahoo games...click....you'r signed in as...yeah right, I was signed in with my real name....I never knew you could be signed in  any other way...click...wow...so many games....ok lets just see what 'hold 'em poker' is....wth is this...they even got lounges...click 'social lounge 6'....what now???? Am I in...where am I? Oh boy, they TALK in this lounge, and then there's so many 'rooms'....NOW WHAT?

It took a while, and believe me, my heart was already in my throught, slowly but surely suffocating me...but.....yeah, I wonder how my life would have unfolded if I never made that next crucial  'click'...but I did...and with the next 'click' I found myself 'somewhere'...I could see some silly small avatar - faces and YEP, they were playing poker.....but where was I?????

I just watched and couldn't believe my eyes, there was a couple of angels,  some dark knights, a couple of dragons, silvers, and who the hell knows what other names...and the strangest part of all was ...they all talked to each other...and  boy , did they talk FAST!

I thought...OMG, they all know each other, are they family or what?...maybe from the same town or...w/e.....when I saw my name....now READ:  MY OWN NAME on the screen and someone telling me: lknez.....take a seat? WHAT! Now at that precise moment, I think I actually choked, and now,  thinking back, when I didn't get a heart attack, THEN, I don't think I ever will, maybe a stroke or w/e...but not a heart attack!

You may as well laugh now, but, this is a TRUE story!

So, fiverishly thinking where the hell do I type...oh ok, must be here....and I typed out my first words in the cyber space:

'How do I take a seat'?

Pathetic....I know.

I guess I was lucky, because it turned out that the host of that particular room was actually an elderly guy, and I guess, I have to thank him for being very patient and explaining how to 'take a seat', how to change that 'silly green alien face' I got in the beginning /trust me, later on, I would boot anyone who ever entered with that silly green alien face...maybe, I was just trying to save their souls...who knows/....and so I started playing 'Hold 'em poker' on Yahoo games, I got a fright of my life when an extra window opened and someone asked me quite a disgusting question....but in due time, you learn ....you learn, so many things, and I even started talking to 'people' there, I would see familiar names, they would greet me...and slowly we had our own group, playing every night....and YES, that is when I started living eastern time, central time, and pacific time...that's when I aksed that elderly man for his e-mail, and introduced myself and my family immediately the next day, thanked him for showing me how to play hold 'em poker...because I thought that was the proper thing to do.(!!!)...thank God he turned out to be a great person, and a very good friend, up to this day.

 

I found out, it was normal that ppl called you 'babe', 'hon', 'sweetie' even if they didn't know you, I could see some of them were more  involved then others...there were couples, there were parties, there was drama...it was like in real life...we would pass the chips and the beer, we would trade our seats...some would keep falling off...that's when I learned the expression that you can 'duck-tape' him or her....only to find out that it was actually DUCT TAPE.....there was always something going  'on the couch' how we used to call, when you stand up from the game but stay in the same room.....that's when that extra window opens, and you have a private talk with someone...oh well.

I was amazed how they could actually play poker, type comments, have an extra window open and talk on the IM ...all at the same time...and not only with ONE person!

I learned  'ty', 'yw', 'gh', 'lol', 'brb' 'lmao' and a lot of other stuff. I met my first internet friends, Oksy, Danstar, CY and allowed them on my IM, they are still there, and I'm proud to say they will always be there.

And so as I proceeded to confess my internet life, and as I was told not to skip any part...not even a tiny litlle bit, and as I am an honest person and too old to skip any part...anyway...and because I'm actually writting about it now...that's the GOOD part, because its MY blog, and I have the solemn authority over here and therefor you can Take it...or Leave it...my story continued...

Has your chin dropped, yet? Or is it jaw? n/m

Well, months passed, June, July, August, September...there was this particular name that made me skip a heart bit everytime I saw it, I kept asking myself what  the hell's wrong with me...why? Oh boy, he, yeah sure its a HE, what did you think.....well he, typed sooo fast that I could hardly follow every word...but he was just too funny...and yeah..he kept falling of his chair , most of the time...and I found myself playing poker and checking if that specific HE is there...then when HE would appear , I would go 'aaahhh'....yeah, you heared me...pathetic...I know!

Then for a period of time HE dissapeared, maybe I even forgot, but then one day, when that name reappeared on the screen, there was that strange feeling again...very strange, believe me...too strange for my age, anyway....our friends greeted him... I was quiet, he said he just came back from his vacation....I was quiet, I don't even know if I was playing or just staring at the conversation...then I greeted him, too....there was a short pause...and he said: 'hey you, I flew over you'....well by then everybody knew I lived in the Canary Islands, so coming over to Europe, one way or the other one could, ofcours, fly over me theoretically or hypotetically...but those words triggered  and changed my life...later, by the way, we did figure out that he didn't actually fly over the Canaries...but some other God forsaken island.

You think I won't say it, well, I will...I was 48, I was going through some major set backs in my life, I was playing poker on Yahoo games, and I fell in love with a name on a screen.Yep, sue me. (I'm using the 'new Pickles keyboard!)

From there, we became a regular couple on  poker while chatting on the messenger...every single day and for many, many hours.

Somewhere in November, when Cy, Sheila aka Danstar, and I started our blogs, I gradually stopped playing poker and started exploring the Y360. I was, rather, glad I left Yahoo games, while He and I moved to the next phase of phone calls.

The house was again filled with laughter, I was leading a rather strange life, but I had a smile on my face, I was happy and I felt more alive then ever!

At this moment, my friend, Colleen, left the 6-pack of Heineken and brough a bottle of  Whisky.

Yes, I told her the whole story through a mixture of tears and laughter...how my daughter knew about it, my two sons, my mom, and  damn it, even my husband knew about it! And you know something else, they all repsected it.

Our lives may have gone in different directions, the time came when we had to take care of other priorities and face the reality and qualify....life goes on, I blog from time to time, I still have only Cy, Sheila and Him on my IM, and my dear friend Colleen  understands now and believes 'strange' things can happen on the internet......

but ...

she still thinks I'm full of crap....oh and we're passed the phase that all you guys are serial killers...so there's still hope that one day she just might start her own blog...and for your damn curiosity that often kills more than just one innocent cat...yes, that was a true story, now I'm just having a crush on   Eros Ramazotti, (lol) and it feels GREAT.... so take that ...and sue me! ( A Big  TX to Pickles for the new keyboard)

****eventually, I'll  make some graphics to go with the  story...now I just need a drink****