Just memories

              

 Banishing him from her life had been her only ammunition against him. It was better not to see him, she'd told herself endlessly.

That theory rang hollow on those hot, sweaty nights when she spent more time staring at the alarm clock than asleep. In her imagination there was no escaping those flashing deep blue eyes.

Night was when she thought about him, giving him full rein in the hope that he'd remain one of her midnight fantasy heroes and would stop tormenting her by day as well.

At night, she could remember every word he'd ever said to her and in a half-slumber, imagine his arms were around her, holding her, hugging her, making slow passionate love to her. In the daytime, she was ruthless with herself.

She thought to give up on all things she'd fought so long for, simply because he waltzed into her life, nonchalantly assuming she'd dump everything.

And a fling was all it would be, or would it be a deep scar that would ache forever more...she needed more time.

Part II of how do you explain to a friend.....

Well, my friend, Colleen, didn't believe me at first, but she did think I was full of crap, when I told her my 14 months internet story, during many of our sleepless nights, while sitting in our patio or confortably cuddled in the salòn, she made me confess it all, and it did sound like : ' forgive me, my dear friend, but,  I have sined...'

The first step, and, beieve me, the easiest, was explaining the blog, everything else was carefully pulled out of me, even though, I didn't have to put my hand on 'the book' and say 'I swear'....I swear most of the time, anyway. The 'blog' and a few more suspicious behaviours triggered out the famous sentence:

-  'Now listen, young lady, you'r going to sit down and tell me all about this internet thing of yours...and you'r going to start from the very beginning , when did it start, how and where did it start, and what in the heaven's name made you do it'!

Well, when things start with 'now listen young lady', trust me, I DO feel like a young lady, oh, even younger, and somehow my mom gets immediately in the picture with both her arms on her hips and that 'you did something bad look ' in her eyes...not to mention the  'and why was I not told about this'  which makes it just more difficult to explain.

I guess the only thing missing was: 'Does you'r mom know about this', but we'll come to that part, shortly.

So my confession began and there's not a known number of 'hail Marrys' or 'dear father in heaven' that will ever wipe those sins away...j/k...I feel innocent, all the time...NOOOOO, I AM innocent!

And my story began...

Last year in June, during one of those long sleepless, boring nights, when I got tired of playing solitaire, hearts and popping some silly balloons, I went into Yahoo and saw this sign 'Yahoo games' which must have been there forever, but, I guess it wasn't my time to see it, untill that specific night. Now, to explain a bit more  this issue, I've been using the internet for many years, but strictly for business, mails, research and my IM was an easy way to keep in touch with my daughter and my family, who all are skattered around the world.

So back to Yahoo games...click....you'r signed in as...yeah right, I was signed in with my real name....I never knew you could be signed in  any other way...click...wow...so many games....ok lets just see what 'hold 'em poker' is....wth is this...they even got lounges...click 'social lounge 6'....what now???? Am I in...where am I? Oh boy, they TALK in this lounge, and then there's so many 'rooms'....NOW WHAT?

It took a while, and believe me, my heart was already in my throught, slowly but surely suffocating me...but.....yeah, I wonder how my life would have unfolded if I never made that next crucial  'click'...but I did...and with the next 'click' I found myself 'somewhere'...I could see some silly small avatar - faces and YEP, they were playing poker.....but where was I?????

I just watched and couldn't believe my eyes, there was a couple of angels,  some dark knights, a couple of dragons, silvers, and who the hell knows what other names...and the strangest part of all was ...they all talked to each other...and  boy , did they talk FAST!

I thought...OMG, they all know each other, are they family or what?...maybe from the same town or...w/e.....when I saw my name....now READ:  MY OWN NAME on the screen and someone telling me: lknez.....take a seat? WHAT! Now at that precise moment, I think I actually choked, and now,  thinking back, when I didn't get a heart attack, THEN, I don't think I ever will, maybe a stroke or w/e...but not a heart attack!

You may as well laugh now, but, this is a TRUE story!

So, fiverishly thinking where the hell do I type...oh ok, must be here....and I typed out my first words in the cyber space:

'How do I take a seat'?

Pathetic....I know.

I guess I was lucky, because it turned out that the host of that particular room was actually an elderly guy, and I guess, I have to thank him for being very patient and explaining how to 'take a seat', how to change that 'silly green alien face' I got in the beginning /trust me, later on, I would boot anyone who ever entered with that silly green alien face...maybe, I was just trying to save their souls...who knows/....and so I started playing 'Hold 'em poker' on Yahoo games, I got a fright of my life when an extra window opened and someone asked me quite a disgusting question....but in due time, you learn ....you learn, so many things, and I even started talking to 'people' there, I would see familiar names, they would greet me...and slowly we had our own group, playing every night....and YES, that is when I started living eastern time, central time, and pacific time...that's when I aksed that elderly man for his e-mail, and introduced myself and my family immediately the next day, thanked him for showing me how to play hold 'em poker...because I thought that was the proper thing to do.(!!!)...thank God he turned out to be a great person, and a very good friend, up to this day.

 

I found out, it was normal that ppl called you 'babe', 'hon', 'sweetie' even if they didn't know you, I could see some of them were more  involved then others...there were couples, there were parties, there was drama...it was like in real life...we would pass the chips and the beer, we would trade our seats...some would keep falling off...that's when I learned the expression that you can 'duck-tape' him or her....only to find out that it was actually DUCT TAPE.....there was always something going  'on the couch' how we used to call, when you stand up from the game but stay in the same room.....that's when that extra window opens, and you have a private talk with someone...oh well.

I was amazed how they could actually play poker, type comments, have an extra window open and talk on the IM ...all at the same time...and not only with ONE person!

I learned  'ty', 'yw', 'gh', 'lol', 'brb' 'lmao' and a lot of other stuff. I met my first internet friends, Oksy, Danstar, CY and allowed them on my IM, they are still there, and I'm proud to say they will always be there.

And so as I proceeded to confess my internet life, and as I was told not to skip any part...not even a tiny litlle bit, and as I am an honest person and too old to skip any part...anyway...and because I'm actually writting about it now...that's the GOOD part, because its MY blog, and I have the solemn authority over here and therefor you can Take it...or Leave it...my story continued...

Has your chin dropped, yet? Or is it jaw? n/m

Well, months passed, June, July, August, September...there was this particular name that made me skip a heart bit everytime I saw it, I kept asking myself what  the hell's wrong with me...why? Oh boy, he, yeah sure its a HE, what did you think.....well he, typed sooo fast that I could hardly follow every word...but he was just too funny...and yeah..he kept falling of his chair , most of the time...and I found myself playing poker and checking if that specific HE is there...then when HE would appear , I would go 'aaahhh'....yeah, you heared me...pathetic...I know!

Then for a period of time HE dissapeared, maybe I even forgot, but then one day, when that name reappeared on the screen, there was that strange feeling again...very strange, believe me...too strange for my age, anyway....our friends greeted him... I was quiet, he said he just came back from his vacation....I was quiet, I don't even know if I was playing or just staring at the conversation...then I greeted him, too....there was a short pause...and he said: 'hey you, I flew over you'....well by then everybody knew I lived in the Canary Islands, so coming over to Europe, one way or the other one could, ofcours, fly over me theoretically or hypotetically...but those words triggered  and changed my life...later, by the way, we did figure out that he didn't actually fly over the Canaries...but some other God forsaken island.

You think I won't say it, well, I will...I was 48, I was going through some major set backs in my life, I was playing poker on Yahoo games, and I fell in love with a name on a screen.Yep, sue me. (I'm using the 'new Pickles keyboard!)

From there, we became a regular couple on  poker while chatting on the messenger...every single day and for many, many hours.

Somewhere in November, when Cy, Sheila aka Danstar, and I started our blogs, I gradually stopped playing poker and started exploring the Y360. I was, rather, glad I left Yahoo games, while He and I moved to the next phase of phone calls.

The house was again filled with laughter, I was leading a rather strange life, but I had a smile on my face, I was happy and I felt more alive then ever!

At this moment, my friend, Colleen, left the 6-pack of Heineken and brough a bottle of  Whisky.

Yes, I told her the whole story through a mixture of tears and laughter...how my daughter knew about it, my two sons, my mom, and  damn it, even my husband knew about it! And you know something else, they all repsected it.

Our lives may have gone in different directions, the time came when we had to take care of other priorities and face the reality and qualify....life goes on, I blog from time to time, I still have only Cy, Sheila and Him on my IM, and my dear friend Colleen  understands now and believes 'strange' things can happen on the internet......

but ...

she still thinks I'm full of crap....oh and we're passed the phase that all you guys are serial killers...so there's still hope that one day she just might start her own blog...and for your damn curiosity that often kills more than just one innocent cat...yes, that was a true story, now I'm just having a crush on   Eros Ramazotti, (lol) and it feels GREAT.... so take that ...and sue me! ( A Big  TX to Pickles for the new keyboard)

****eventually, I'll  make some graphics to go with the  story...now I just need a drink****

How do you explain to a friend......

I haven't written a blog for a long time, just did some regular challenges, but then, its summer, as I said , not really the season, here, and I've been mostly IN and OUT of the island, but, at the moment I have a very dear friend, visiting from over-seas...yeah everyone who comes here, is from 'overseas- damn it, I DO live on an island....

 So, we reviewed and touched base /as a beloved friend of mine likes to say/ for the past couple of days, we visited our favorite places and friends, stashed the fridge with enough of Shandy, regular Heiny, Scotch, Gin, Vodka, lots of lemon, lime, and bags of ice...some local queso de cabra and red wine, Malaga Virgen /you never heard of that....well , too bad/ Francisco, who's got this fab restaurant just up the hills, does the rest of feeding us, and Sir Edward and his Great Dane companion Willson do the rest of Brit-Twit-ol'-Colonial-what's-the-weather-like-casual-crap'!

So, you'll be thinking, like, oh well, its the same old Lila's story of her life...you are right, you know, BUT

Oh YES,

there's a bit BUT, there.... even, though I do not blog lately, I do check up on you guys as much as I can, so last night.....and that's where the title of this blog begins:

...how do you explain to a close friend of yours....what's a blog...who are those people out there...so here it comes:

Lila: Listen, Colleen, I'll just have to check on my gang for a while....won't be long!

 Colleen: Oh, we going out, tonight?

Lila: Ummm....errrr....NO!

 Colleen: So, then who's the gang?

Lila: Well, ummmm, its really a long story, but, ummm, ok, you may watch, if you want. /what a stupid thing to say..http://planetlila.multiply.com/

Colleen: WATCH!!!!! What in the heaven's name do you mean, Lila?

 Now all of you know exactly what I mean, but you should have seen Colleen's face at that moment....it was FUN!

Lila: Hey, come over here.http://planetlila.multiply.com/pointing at the computer in the study/ ...sit, and I'll explain on the way.

Colleen: Oh, you need to check the e-mails, before you see the 'gang'........and you want me to sit and watch while you DO THAT?

 Lila: Colleen, just shut up, and sit here! OK?

Colleen, who knows when I steam up, just does what she's told, so we begin......

Lila: See, this is my BLOG!

 Colleen: What's a BLOG?

Lila: Never mind, now that....and see those people here...well, they're my gang...my friends...K?

Colleen: Your friends?

Lila: OK, you either SHUT UP and LISTEN, or else.........so , you see, today's a big tribute to my NYC friend EDDO , and I have to fix my page, snatch his background, make my face look like him...and well...do a lot of other silly things...but it's FUN!

Colleen: You mean, you know this guy?

 Lila: Well, lets just say that I do....sounds weird to you....but just let me continue and you'll get the point.K?

 Colleen: .......K........

Lila: WOW, omg, look Colleen, they all look like him! This is FUN!

 Colleen: mmmmhhmmmmm

Lila: Now, look at fairEst ...wow, isn't she adorable? Oh and, you know what , they both are from Philippines, but living in the States....

 K, now we can drop in for a cup of coffee at JAVA's....wow, you should see how she writes her blogs...and you know what, this summer she actually met some of the GREAT bloggers...yeah, like in real life. She met SUCKA now, how can you just not love him, then she met DANI the cosmic twin , who's a friend of MISSY, and they also met RICH aka American Hooligan F³ and his wife Marsha! Now isn't that COOL?

Colleen: mmmhhhmmmm

 Lila: Yeah, they went to Yahoo's headquarters and thanks to those guys we have the blogs, IM, mail and lots of other stuff like all the DRAMA!!!!!

Colleen: mmmmhhmmmmm

Lila: Oh boy, KERRI trashed their a**es today...WTG, babe!

Colleen: I'll get some more BOOZE!

Lila: .....ummmm....sure......let me see what's HYIIDRA 's up too....must see if she got that job! Hey, Colleen, you must see how she trashes and bit**es over forward mail and other stuff...boy, I love that woman!Did you know that she had this huge storm...then her house was without power...you know, the fridge drooled away...and she actually went for a job interview with the guys who switch 'ON and OFF' her power....WOW....just love her!

Colleen: What's forward mail?

Lila: ummm.....I'll explain that, later, now lets go and say HI to CY , oh we go a looong way back, its been a year now, since we met, together with my dear friend Danstar aka Sheila...and by the way she also introduced me to Ellie and oh did they give me support when I was sick...remember, Colleen? Sheila also introduced me to a fascinating lady SABER. ..awwww she's just one of a kind...you know, we even like the same movies...and her backgrounds are superb!

K, now, where was, I......ahhhh, YES...CAROL,  she did all the N3S challenges, when DAISY got too busy over 'lil Daisy', oh and Carol is such a darling...and she loves Wisteria trees!

Wait a minute....I just got a message from DORID , she does the Classic image challenges....I just love those!

Colleen: You've given up on painting?

Lila: Ofcours I haven't...but this is just more fun!

K....now...what's Señor Jefe  been up to. Ya know, he's a ranger, and they've got lots a fires going on right now...hey come and see this DC10 they converted into a huge fire-extinguisher...WOW!

Colleen: ...a WHAT?

Lila: Never mind......k...now...oh my Side C is back from his vacation. He went to Greece....oh and he's jobless but useful, just love reading his blogs. Good to see him back!

Colleen: Who's this one that you keep talking too, while you're checking all those other people?

 Lila: Oh, G REG aka MY TWIT ...ummm...that's a long story, Colleen, and I'm not in the mood of explaining that particular one, but he just started blogging, which I find real cool, you would rather like him....or not...never mind now that!

Let's see.....hey look here, see ...MISSY...she's from 'down-under...Australia,...hah, like you...yeah you're just 'down-under from South Africa' LMAO...

 Colleen: Whats all this 'lol' lmao' 'rofl'?????

 Lila: COLLEEEEEEEEENNN?????? Don't you know ANYTHING about internet?

Colleen: As far as business is concerned, mails, etc.

Lila: Yeah.....you sound like ME - but a year ago...that's when I discovered this world...and I like it!

Must see what's going on with ZUSIQUE she just moved to Texas with her daughter...oh and she also met KERRI .

FRANCES CA, just adore her, she's from GB married to an Italian, wow you should see how she redecorated her kitchen!

 Then P HIL is on his vacation...or hiatus as he calls it...can't wait for his regular blogs!

Oh and DON NA is spending time with her dad, I think of her a lot....some very difficult times for her now...love that woman!

 Katherine 

 just came back from her vacation...and WOW, she met a cool guy, hope that works out!

 MYK did the coverage of WC then he did the challenge of all the States...WOW, you should have seen what ALASKARAP did...WOW, is he good with html and you know...we were nearly at the same time in Jakarta-Indonesia, when we were kids...isn't that COOL?

 Colleen: ...another Shandy...dear????

Lila: ...yep...tx! Hey, SAIL, hows the new house...been sailing lately?

....and LEE aka always LEE is taking care of her mom at the moment...miss her!

Now , you should meet S ARAH ...you'd just love her, oh my, her mom's from Romania, her native land is Yemen,....baptized Catholic, raised Islamic, learned Hebrew at school, and now she's migrated to Germany...WOW!

And this IS a GREAT blogger Your Dream L*ver!™ (as far as mind s*x)...he named me Dudette! Must catch up on his blogs...but I need more then just one night, for that!

 I wonder where's INNA

my Bobolina...she's Russian, living in SF....miss her sooo much! Did you know she was actually hugged by Amma?????

Colleen: Who's Amma?

Lila: Never mind...I'll tell you later....now leetttmmeeeseee....hey..melkidt , look just how he photoshops he's pics! AMAZING! Oh, he did one of mine , too! Like that!

...and CY also introduced me to a beautiful lady LILAC , isn't it just fascinating how you meet interesting friends here?

 Colleen: mmmhhmmmmm

 Lila: Must say Hi to CYN she showed me how to use glitter graphics and she too was there when I was feeling real bad, got some good advice from her...do you want to see some great pics of lil' eagles?

Colleen: 'lil eagels'???

Lila: Well, maybe not exactly eagles...but they sure looked like ones! Sooo cute! K...now, where were we....yeah...did you know there is another LILA aka other Lila on here....boy was I surprised when I found that out!

Hah, you'd never ever need another book, if you knew SCOTT and LYN , but Lynn just came back from her vacation, then she got sick...she hates to puke, though, and then suddenly she said adeau' to all of us...hope she didn't mean that seriously!

Then JANET

 is from the Antibes, and she's also on vacation...well aren't we all...but I just need to check up on some more...k?

Colleen: ...mmmhhhmmmm

 Lila: I love the way Suzygirl writes, and she's sooo beautiful, too....actually I used to read her blog before, we had a mutual friend, James, then he stopped blogging, went to Indonesia, and Switzerland, now he's back in the States...but ...wonder what happened to him? And another friend I met through James, was Julie Wong she's from Malaysia and just got married in June...in London. She hasn't blogged lately...well...she's got other things on her mind, now for sure!

And you know there is this beautiful couple, MERRI and Sheldon, now that's  a  real love story, I'm sooo happy for both of them!

 Wow, what great time must Mi chael Craig be having...all the time between Paris and Tuscany...yeah, he's on vacation , too!

K...now, I must drop and see what's KAR IN been up too, she went 'goth' for a couple of days...that was cool...she's got a piercing too...WOW!

 Lila: Oops

Colleen: Excuse me..???

Lila: Nawww, I'm just checking on Oops

Colleen: ...oh

Lila: And Ca t and Stephanie too! H eart of Montana will be boarding a plane ...off to meet her destiny in August...wish her all the luck in the world...oh and while we are at luck....here's Lucky Lisa, love her jokes...and the way she got my attention..lol!

JustB e is from Romania, loves dreaming and watching clouds, beautiful page....and Zoe, oh my, must check up on her, too!

Kat hasn't seen Superman , cuz, she was waiting for her 'man' to ask her...meanwhile ...yep, he saw it... and Angie is another beautiful lady from the Philippines, I think she's got 2 blogs, and I have to check both of them!

CeeCe e....what a lady...love her!

Must go see what's up with Redhe dsouth...she loves making corn bread and is a expert in crochet!

You remember the song ' don't make my brown eyes blue', well it looks like T anya G singing it!

And MIKE says 'Be afraid, VERY afraid cause I'MMMM BAAAACK!!!........

Now this guy was born in Brazil and lives in Texas now,  Danil o,   had some great pics on his blog, as well as poetry...but maybe he just got a life, after all, haven't seen him in ages!

 Lila: Holly Sh**!!!!! Do you know what time it is, Colleen????

Colleen: Yes dear, it's 3.30 in the morning!

Lila: OMG, I'm sorry....well...at least you know what I meant by 'checking up on my gang' now?

Colleen: I sure did!

 While we were getting ready for bed, I felt real guilty, but...then what could I do...so I decided I'll skip the 'checking up on my gang' for a couple of days...then , maybe, one day, when Colleen is out on her own...I'll sneak in again.

 The next morning...well....kinda noon, to be exact, while Colleen was preparing coffee and I was just emerging from my bedroom, trying hard not to open my eyes yet...at least not before I had my first sip of coffee, Colleen asked:

- Are we gonna check on those guys and see what they're up to?

..need a haircut lately???

I'll be pushing off during summer, which is not really THE season here on the island, but then it does get a bit too pesky to handle, so I'll be checking up on you guys from time to time and I'll post some pics...as they come.

Oh, and by the way, I'M NOT MISSING YOU YET....BUT I WILL!

Have a good one!

 

 

Colorgenics

Taken from Sheila's and Saber's blog

Was it yesterday that I mentioned in my blog: 'Enough is enough' / this is starting to sound real creepy.....

Colorgenics

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way. You have that truly 'laid back' attitude and are unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort. You feel that to move forward - be it in your life style or in business relationships - would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that 'Enough is Enough'.

Matters are not progressing as well as you would have hoped and you are having to make concessions - but you still believe that your goals are realistic it's just that people can't seem to see your point of view. You know what you want but you'll only accept suggestions under duress.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

You are being very dogmatic, insisting that there is to be absolutely no equivocation whatsoever about your achievements and accomplishments.

Was it Aloe ?

        

It was five to three. Still. Lia wondered if she was in the Twilight Zone because no matter how often she looked at the alarm clock, the time seemed to change with brain-numbing slowness. Not looking at it was obviously the answer. She sat up in the bed, shook her pillow around a bit and sank back down on to the cool side of the bed, determined not to look at the time. Four minutes to three winked the luminous numbers on the clock.

 Lia felt like crying. She was exhausted and yet she couldn't sleep. The memory of her best friends weary face, Samantha, earlier that day, kept running through her mind. Sam, as she called her, and Stephen, Lia and Zack, an ill-fated foursome and their problems. And Gregory. No matter how she tried to wrench him from her mind, he was still there. Smiling wolfishly at her, eyes caressing her in a way Zack's never did.

Shit. She sat up again, feverish and furious. She had to stop thinking about bloody Greg. It was positively sickening. His presence loomed over her even when she was in bed, never mind what it did to her when she was up. Since, she'd met him, eight months ago, or was it nearly a year now, but definitely eight months since something clicked, he was everywhere: grinning at her, taunting her, eyebrows raised in amusement as if he could see the effect he was having upon her. It was no use trying to sleep. She might as well get some hot soy milk and read.

 Trying no to think how shattered she'd be after a sleepless night, Lia warmed some soy milk and brought it up to bed. Propped up with pillows, she picked her book up and tried to read. Even that didn't work.

The dashing South American polo player in Venetia's Voctory reminded her of Greg; he had the same glinting eyes, the same devil-may-care-attitude. Every time the polo player crushed Venetia to his chest with his powerful mallet-wielding arm, Lia could see herself being crushed against Greg. She threw the book down in disgust and rummaged through her bedside locker for a replacement. Her friend Sam adored blood, gore and serial killers and had been trying to get Lia read one for years. Lia had resisted until now because she hated the thought of reading about murderers preying on vulnerable women before she went to sleep. Strangely enough, the idea seemed very appealing now. Surely an axe murderer would be able to get Greg out of the picture?

By five-thirty, she was a serial thriller convert - and very, very tired. How come you can only sleep when morning is lurking around the corner? she thought exhaustedly, sinking her head on to the pillow as the birds began to sing energetically outside the window.

They appeared to be singing the same song when the alarm clock erupted with the awful salsa show at seven-fifteen. It seemed that at the same time as it erupted , her hand smashed back and silenced it forever, and at that exact instant she made a decission, it was enough, it was actually more then enough. For the past month or so, she was helping Greg, the man she so loved, save his marriage, and ruine her life, with dignity and respect. Was she supposed to feel proud and happy about it? At first , she did, but then hearing his weekly resume of his improving life, it made her sick. She gave up on him, as she did on most of the things in life that mattered to her. For what? Was it because she cared more, or was it because she was a good person? She wasn't sure of either, anymore, what she knew was that once she faced the future, she had some big steps ahead of her, and they needed her clear mind and no fantasy world.

 Did she know this a year ago, or eight months ago? Or is there a reason and time for everything in life. Well if there was a reason to start this eight months ago, there sure is a reason to stop it NOW.

Lia got out of her bed, feeling the cold floor beneath her bare feet, made it to the kitchen and sank in one of the chairs. Through her mind, the past months moved as flashes of lightnings and thunderstorms. She instantly ran her fingers through her hair, pulling it up in a pony -tale. Then she looked through the window at the blue clear skies, she got up and stood by the window, leaning her head on her arms while she watched through the pine trees all the way to the ocean and that imagionary line where the ocean met the horizon. Suddenly there was no feeling of fear of waking up without hope, or having nothing to look forward to. Maybe it was just good enough being alive. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Enough was enough and it was such a beautiful day to look forward to...even her sun-burned shoulders looked nice after aloe had eased the pain. Yes, she thought, there was no more pain, and life isn't that bad after all. Why didn't she think of aloe a couple of months back...was it aloe or was it her?

As she threw the soy milk in the bin and fetched a clean cup for her morning coffee, she said to herself:

 -' I'll think about it, tomorrow'.

A Strange Destiny of a Starfish

My daughter Ana and I have a strange hobby of putting our dreams on paper making them into stories, this is one of hers, dedicated to me, when I was in desperate need of ...well of ...brightening up, I guess. Wanted to share it with you. The story was published, with Ana's permission, as her Japanese friend did graphic design (her major) . The story has been translated in Japanese, will be soon published in Japan.This is only my poor translation in English.         *TM* A Strange Destiny of a Starfish One velvet, lilac day, one lilac starfish fell from the sea. One seahorse, said, he saw her dreaming on the bubbles of the waves, a dream woven of strawberry taste and the smell of night skies. The bubbles of the waves, carried her towards the yellow shores, like lace, slightly tickling her back. And, while the starfish dreamt of the Moon, she ordered the sea to withdraw, and the sea obeyed.  And the sleeping starfish slided from the lace foamy wave to the sand on the yellow coast. They say, it took many hours before she woke up, from her flavoured dream. So near her world, and yet so far away. While she was still very young, and made only slight moves with her starry tube like rays, no bigger that those of the circle on a muffin tray, an old wise sea shell told her stories of wonderful worlds that lay far beyond the reach of the sea, about the world that reflects upon the mirror of the sea, without touching it. The little starfish dreamt of the reverse mirror, and from time to time, it seemed that through the bubbles and colourful small fishes a ray of light reached from the other side, bringing light to the roof of her world. Now, she found herself alone and scared in a kind of in-between world, neither below, nor above her dream, while her body was drying, only her tears gave her the moist and life. And what will happen when I cry out all my tears, she asked herself, silently, and glanced through them, and for a slight moment her salty tears reminded her of the sea, from where she had been watching all her starry life.  Later, she remembered, that at that moment, she was already drifting above the sand, that one hand lifted her from her sandy prison, and was carrying her. She travelled in this hand, reading the curved lines on the hand, still crying the tears that gave her life. It seemed that she could no longer feel the presence of her home, when the salty flavour disappeared from the air, and unknown flavours spread like a shadow above her. Some, she remembered from her dreams, the smell of wild forest strawberries, and the night which was slowly falling. The hand was still carrying her gently, and lifting her further and higher from the sea.  Then suddenly, behind one cypress tree and one cloud, he appeared, in his shiny armour, and she recognised the Moon. At that moment, the sea seemed to have flown out of her soul. Watching him , night by nigh, from the sea, a strange wish would appear making her blush, making her tube like rays tremble, a wish , that at least in one of her dreams, she would become a part of his life. She felt that no one could be more powerful and more beautiful then him. He, who ruled upon her sea, she followed him through all twelve of his forms, which left secret, thousands of years old scrolls written in her soul, scrolls that smell like jasmine flower, scrolls which uncover a new life, and give her body a mysterious light. The hand, that seemed to feel and follow the fading heart beats of the starfish, carried her higher and higher, towards the top of a mountain, where they say, every 3rd and 17th night, you could feel the smell of the sky, and in rare occasions, after the rain, the air would be filled with cinnamon. While she was colouring those curved lines, inside the hand that carried her, with lilac colour, she was already riding on the back of a huge turtle, grabbing huge steps towards the sky.  Everything turned into silence, and her tears, drop by drop, became happy and shiny. Everything went still in one moment, the hand reached far beyond the sky and placed the starfish there. They say, that she still shines in her lilac colour, on the left side of the sky, just next to the Moon. The sea, keeps moving lazily below her, awaiting the starry shower, which will return her to the sea.....at least, an old seahorse, keeps telling the story.....                                                                                                                                                                                     *TM*