My Baby-Baby was a true-love baby, born when I was 22, living in London. The days of a crazy life.....bussy life.....young life......
Her father and I were a happy-crazy couple...living our life at a full maximum speed. What does one do at the age of 22......was it too early....no, I was ready and I wanted my child......did I know how to take care of her....I sure thought so....
So, our life didn't change when Ana was born...yes we were happy and we tryed our best...coping with work, business, traveling, night -life....untill one day.......
My mom, who at the time was still living in the Far East with my father shows up......stays with us for a couple of days and makes her announcement:
"You two, are not capable of raising this child at this moment in your lives....too much work, too much travelling...to much everything...this child needs attention!!!!!!!"
We stared at her.....not knowing exactly where this was leading.....
So the proposal went on, I'll take this child with me to the Far East...where she'll have all the attention needed...where Lila grew up, too.......you will come and visit her regularly, and I will also bring her for holidays.......untill you are ready to become parents as you should be.
It was all so quick and we were not aware.....what should we do.......is this a good decision....sure she'll have everything possible with my parents....but..........
Ana was raised in the Far East with my parents. She left when she was 14 months old. I never blamed my mother for doing what she did...it could be that it was the right thing she did at that moment in time...and she has been (and is) the best mother and best grandmother enyone could only wish for.
Yes, we visited regularly, and she also came for holidays to Europe.......she seemed happy...she had everything.....(we thought) ...but.....she had no parents, and we had no baby-baby.
The damage was done.....without awareness....not only to baby-baby- but to both of us too.
Years passed........life brought changes to our lives....Ana went to Swiss college.... I visited....it was a strange feeling....my child, my little sister, where was baby-baby?????
Life kept on bringing changes to our lives........Ana had a brother 4 years younger....then another one 16 years younger......
Ana came back...she went to University, she started living in her own apartment....she visited regularly....but something was missing.....deep inside I felt...I knew....I lost her.....I blamed myself over all those years....I had a deep scar in my heart which would never heal....I had cryed over her photos and tapes sent to me while she was a very young child living far ....far away from me.
I knew, she had the same feeling...I was afraid she would blame me for as long as she lives....... I had to face it and live with it.
God knows how much my baby-baby suffered.....not while very young, but later on growing up...encountering life by herself....fighting through difficulties by herself...making it all ....but all alone. Best student in Swiss college...best student in her University.....was it to show her mom and dad she did it by herself...was it just to say :
"Hey, am I good enough now....will you accept me now...?"
....and how much we adored her...loved her....missed her.....but once you make a mistake....it takes a loooong time , if ever, to make it up....make it up for all those long years of separation....
...what does one do....how does one approach this...how do we start all over again...will it ever happen....can we ever be close...can we talk with no strains....can we look into each others eyes.....
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