Lila and Dr. House

Lila: So, you here for some confession or just counselling. Dr House:  I'm not doing it. (leaves, then stops) You're supposed to stop me. Renegotiate. Lila: Hmm, and you were supposed to keep on walking. Sorry, I guess we both screwed up. Go on, do it again. Dr House: I was expecting you in my office 20 minutes ago. Lila: That's odd, because I had no intentions of being in your office 20 minutes ago. Lila: You think I'm crazy. Dr. House: Well, yeah, but that's not the problem. Lila: Another reason I don't like meeting other doctors. If they don't know what you look like, they can't yell at you. Dr House: I was talking about you coming into my office for a change, and I wasn't yelling. Lila: Humanity is overrated. Lila: I’ve got a few minutes, though. Feel free to say something like, ‘What’ll we do with the time left over?" Dr. House: You alienate people. Lila: I've been alienating people since I was three...and they still stick around, funny, eh?  Dr.House: Oh, come on! Drop it! You don't think you've changed in the last few years? Lila: Well, of, of course I have. I've gotten older. My hair's gotten thinner. Sometimes I'm bored, sometimes I'm lonely, sometimes I wonder what it all means. Good , eh? Dr. House: You know, there are other ways to manage pain,  depression and meno-pause. Lila: Like what, laughter? Meditation? Got a guy who can fix my third chakra? Dr House: How can you just sit there? Lila: If I eat standing up, I spill. Lila: Oh, I wanted to talk about that..what's her name, nurse, you've been sending here. Dr. House: Her name is Theresa, and she is not only a nurse, she's also a nun. Lila: No wonder I've been calling her other names, and she didn't respond to them. House: You hate nurses? You can't hate someone if you don't know them. Lila: Know any Nazis? Maybe I hate them on principle. Lila: She must be all the talk around the holy water cooler. Dr House: The nurse, err the nun, tends to believe in things that aren't real, but  she's having problems believing  there are people like you. Lila: Really? I thought that was a job description for such  people. Lila. Hey , you date here, or what? Dr. House: I don't date  nurses...or nuns. Lila: Very ethical. Of course, most married men would say they don't date at all. Dr House:  She's seen five patients in the last two hours! Lila: Complicated case. I'm a night owl, and that nurse..nun w/e is an early bird: we're different species. Lila: Move her into her own cage! Dr House: Who'd clean up the droppings from yours? Lila: Good point you have there...for once, at least today. Lila: Godot would be faster, though!  I mean, you know,  Beckett's most famous work, "Waiting for Godot." Beckett uses the characters' interaction to symbolise the tedium and meaninglessness of modern life, both major themes of the existentialists...but then your Canarian..rite, ..yeah forgot that! So is she, rite? ****Silence**** Lila: The other day you left this file on my condition, on my chair, so I was thinking, Clever - forces me to either deal with the file or never sit down again. Dr House: Ruh-roh! Lila: OMG, you  have a perverted sense of guilt, but it makes you a good shrink. Dr. House: You figure a perverted sense of guilt makes me a good Doctor? Lila: Now would the world be a better place if people never felt guilty? Makes sex better.  You know what I'm talking about, last months of a relationship. Lot of guilt. Lot of screaming.You want to make things right? Too bad. Nothing’s ever right. Dr. House: How would you describe my medical skills? Lila: Non-existent. Otherwise excellent. Lila: When guys have brain/crotch problems, it’s usually the result of using one too much and the other too little. Dr House: You talking from your own experience, now? Lila: Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about. Dr House: Ok Lila, can we get back to your state now? Fever? Lila: Fever? Clinical depression does not cause fever.Maybe a, what was that you called it..oh yeah, a Mini Stroke, does? Dr. House: You could be sick and depressed? Lila: I'm sick! Dammit, why didn't I think of that? Dr House: My patience with you is unbeliveable! Lila: As long as you're trying , you can do whatever you want. Dr. House: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want. Lila: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world! Dr House: Well, I could say your condition is rapidly improving, I mean you nearly sound as your old self. Lila: Sure, now you knew the deal...I mean the aim. You said I should get an aim...didn't you? Lila: OK, am I suppose to be angry now. Dr House: I'm talking about your condition, you asked about the timeline. Lila: No, I didn't, hate timelines..deadlines..whatever, and frankly I'm angry. Which I'm guessing is the correct response, which I'll know better once I know what you're talking about. Dr.House: Your birthday travel to Milano. Lila: Oh. Anger was a bad guess. Dr House: ***sight*** Lila: So, err, looks like we gonna skip into my private life , marriage , infidelity, depression  and that kinda stuf? Dr. House: Now, listen, on depression and meno-pause - you'r an expert,  but I  don't think what you've been doing is exactly infidelity, overall,  yes,  but you should give it a second chance, at home,  you know...like, give it a try. Lila: Wow. It's a big jump from "Infidelity is wrong"’ to "Do him." Dr.House: You know what, Lila, why don't we just exchange places, you be the shrink and I'll be the patient. Lila: I thought we already did. Dr.House: OK, bye Lila. Lila: Hey,how's your hooker doing? Dr.House: How sweet of you to ask. Funny story - she was going to be a hospital administrator, but she hated having to screw people like that. Lila: Mmmmmm, ok, see ya Doc!